there are times when i feel like an irrevocable untamed wildly hot mess of a person that doesn't even know which way is up and which way goes down. i want to break wide open and spill all the contents onto the operating table so that all things good bad ugly messy and broken can be observed one by one in a painfully distant manner. while you watch and critique and feel and i get some sort of satisfaction at knowing that what i was feeling and doing and being was ok, because you understand, because you're licensed and you've got the pedigree and you can give not ok the ok.
sometimes i do it anyways, without the operating table or the audience, on top of the broken glass behind the dumpster where i last emptied my guts friday night two months ago.
