May 20, 2019


i'm really struggling with confronting work today. i've told myself that it's ok to run away. i can run away as long as i'd like to, but there are certain places that are off limits for that running, one of which is twitter. writing is okay though -- this blog is a safe space.

i make mistakes.

one of which seems to be not opening up my terminal getting to typing first thing this morning. the sooner i do it, the better off i'll be.

ok here goes.

May 5, 2019

moar to say

i don't actually want to type any more. i just want to emote. that feeling of finding myself through an attempt to digitize it. to write it. to feel it out.

so much anxiety about the destination. about the meaning. about the being understood. about liking this when i go back to read it, not just now but two three four years from now. forever. the forever book.

is that what this is? my forever book.

having read other popular blogs i think i know finally why this isn't a popular blog. why it's not something that you share or tell people about. it's not the kind of discourse that you popup a forum for.

i could try moving it to a new format. i could make this into a newsletter.

there's nothing wrong with trying new, weird things. may be i can merge some of the disparate identities, slowly draw them together into the real.

album pages don't make sense for singles.  maybe this outpost doesn't make sense for this output. what does it mean to build community online? hard to say huh.

ok, it's bedtime.


‪some days I remember the lies you told me and i laugh at both of us‬ ‪at me, for wanting so badly to believe you‬ ‪at you, for having t...