Laying here on my bed wondering if I actually do want to pull the plug and realizing that in the act of pulling it I will be spending more time with you, which maybe is the whole reason for thinking it, for wanting it, in the first place. Does it always have to be this emotionally complex?
It feels like it does, like there's no escaping.
All this thinking and suddenly I find myself back in the car, years ago now, dropping another you off at your apartment complex and how easy that had been and how utterly unhindered it had felt, laughing along with you about your dom-ish intentions. You were fun. Easy to laugh with.
The new you isn't so easy to laugh with, but the laughs come often enough, and some sort of playfulness is there though it doesn't feel as easy as I remember it once being.
I worked hard to sabotage that, too.
Maybe it won't ever feel that easy and that's the point, isn't it? The point about new experiences and enjoying things for what they are, when they are it.
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