Every time I get on Facebook I can't help but wonder what life would have been like if I had stayed in Texas. I had some good friends in Houston, managed to date more than I've ever succeeded in New York, was building relationships and social ties that in some way would have grown with me as we all grew in the city. I knew a lot of good people there.
So much of Texas life is there, on Facebook, nicely encapsulated. Most people I'm friends with seem married and happy. I am a little in awe of their roundness - their lives seem full, well-balanced. In comparison, mine is definitively lumpy -- not terribly well balanced out. I'm OK with it, it wouldn't be any other way.
And you know, maybe it's a good thing that nothing in NYC worked out perfectly. I mean, things worked out but not in the way I hoped they might. Perfection is a tinfoil goal; it would have kept me from being able to see myself, however eventually I got around to looking.
In hindsight, coming to NYC was ambitious. I don't know why it wasn't obvious before. I *am* ambitious, but most times it doesn't feel that way -- I always figure that someone will stop me when I've gone too far but, and this is the secret, no body is really paying you that much attention. No body really wants to see you fail, but that they're not really rooting for your success either.
Most of us have our own priorities that have little to do with one another and that's OK. You know,
I rather like the freedom.