i feel sick. actually sick. my throat has a bit of a hitch to it, my head hurts, i'm finding it hard to smile, exactly. my stomach hurts. i'm uninterested in work or any one of my myriad of side projects. i've got plenty of books to read and blog post ideas to flesh out, but i'm just not *interested* in doing any of them.
i'm pretty sure most of this is a combination of failure to exercise along with being in austin and not really having a set routine. i'm here for one more week but i'm still struggling to confront the things that need doing.
i really hope this is just a failure to exercise and not some deeper bad attitude that seems to seep into and ruin everything. ruins everything!
coded. i finished reading vigor's article on the gerry principle yesterday and i want to write a rebuttal so badly, but also i know that it's not wrong. it's not wrong!! just that there's other ways of seeing things.
really it's pretty ingenious and i appreciate the ingeniousness of it. applaud it, even.
i'm so sick of twitter. i've been doing nothing but checking checking checking the website the past few days it feels awful. absolutely awful. it's part of the malaise, this classy unclassy always on the Internet feeling. writing isn't that, writing is movement, it's coming out of things but damn.
i went and did watercolor yesterday with my sister and i'm proud of them but i also sort of just wanted them to put up on my internet corkboard. i love aesthetic things. i want more aesthetic things.
i really want to finish up the upstairs space. it needs a decent amount of work, but it's incredibly doable. i should do it.
finishing things is incredibly hard. a coworker once told me that the thing that set him apart from other people, his real edge if you will, was that he finished things.
he *finished* things. i don't have that edge and i feel it pretty roughly recently.
Nov 26, 2018
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